STUPID JOKE SATURDAY!!!!

17 01 2009

This is for 5chw4r7z and his obsession with Chuck Norris jokes on Twitter. These are the ones I like best from this site.

01 Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Also:

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris

And from this site (yes, there is a “ChuckNorrisFacts.com” — and, apparently, Chuck Norris has blessed it… before he roundhouse kicked the editors for not making sure everyone knew that he invented the internet for just this purpose):

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Yea Saturday!!!!!

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2 responses

18 01 2009
Cincinnati NAMjA

Don’t quit your day job….jk…you made me laugh yet again this morning.

19 01 2009
QueerCincinnati.com

I’m glad this series is as popular as it turned out to be :-).

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