I’m a Quitter

18 05 2009

I quit.

I know I’m not alone when I say…quitting smoking sucks. Yes, I have decided to stop smoking. When I think of that word, “decided”, I don’t feel like its something that’s been decided, more like its something that I’m forcing myself to do. It is an addiction and like any addiction, typically you know you need to quit, or you should quit and some can even honestly say they WANT to quit. I wish I could be the one to say I WANT to quit. I’m quitting because I know I need to. Its been a 17 year addiction for me…I know its not going to be easy. So far, I’ve had headaches, moodiness and trouble concentrating. Wait…I’m like that usually anyways, so I guess it hasn’t been that bad. The worst part is not thinking about it….but its all I can think about.

For the past week I’ve been on vacation with my beautiful girlfriend Penny and I have not had a ciggerette in 7 days. For me, this is a miracle in itself. My friends will tell you that I smoke like a freight train, lighting one after another if I’m in a place that I can do so. But, its been surprisingly easy as far as the withdrawl symptoms go. One reason, I’ve been with my girlfriend all week, and I don’t smoke around her. She’s never seen me smoke and she never will. Two, I was out of my normal routine and habit. So, as much as I want to celebrate, I know that the challenge is just beginning.

Tonight, I have the option of sitting at home and dwelling on the fact that I’m not smoking, which I know I will do or I can go hang out with a friend who smokes. Which almost all of them do. Hmm…not much of an option to keep myself away from smoking. But I’m determined to do it…not smoke that is. I thought that since there are alot of you that are trying to quit or thinking about trying to quit, I would chronicle my stop smoking experience with you. I’m hoping that this will help that sabatour in my head that wants to smoke and maybe even help some of you in letting you know that this is a struggle that millions of people deal with everyday.

I am very optimistic and have a lot of support. However, I hate to say it, but even though I don’t want to let these supporters down, I know that my chances are high that I will. So, I got a game plan and strategy in place. Things I can do with my hands to keep me from smoking. Too bad my girlfriend lives in another city! Ha! But seriously…things like painting, writing, excercising, things like that. There is even a telephone support meeting tonight…1-605-475-6230 Code #4567891 at 8pm EST. I don’t know how legit it is, but its worth trying. So, stay tuned…hope I’m still a non-smoker tomorrow.

Think I’ll start smoking tomorrow? According to http://www.stopthesmoke.com/ I have about an 80% FAIL rate with quitting cold turkey. So much for staying positive.

Juliet
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4 responses

18 05 2009
The Seeker

Last time I quit cold-turkey (time # 11) I was writhing on my office floor in agony for hours… This went on for 3 or 4 days. And it was the worst male-PMS I’ve ever had!!! HOLY FUCK it sucked!!! Needless to say, I started again when I met my curreny boyfriend (who smokes) and promptly got worse than ever (pack every 2 days)…

18 05 2009
QueerCincinnati.com

I made an appointment on Tuesday for Chantix from my doctor — here’s hoping!

19 05 2009
Juliet

Good luck to you both! 8 days now and its killing me more now than it did on day 3. My friends and girlfriend give the best support, but co-workers, not so much. Yesterday I was told that even after 15 years I could still get cravings and possibly gain 40lbs in the first six months of quitting.

Thats just not right…

19 05 2009
QueerCincinnati.com

My coworker said, due to my sensitive stomach, Chantix may not work for me :-(. But Wellbutrin… ha, because I need to be on an anti-depressant? LOL

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